"Am I Being Selfish?"

Hello everyone!

So I know I've spoken a lot about selfishness before and gone in to depth about it's negative connotations but in this post I've decided to capture a different perspective.

I think the ages of 18-27 scream selfishness...

(I could go farther than 27 but I'm not too familiar of what is stereotypically required of a 28 year old and above. I'm just using 18-27 as a flexible frame.)

The other day I caught up with a good friend and we sparked a conversation about this topic "selfishness" and how we have decided that we want to start being more selfish with our time and I'll explain why now.

Let me paint you a picture.

You're 21. You live with roommates. It's a pandemic so your social life and dating life aren't that active. A lot of your friends in relationships have recently broken up with their partners and some of your friends have gotten into relationships. The friends that fall under the "break-up" category have started putting a lot more effort into your friendship... it's nice and you appreciate it. The friends in new relationships you haven't talked to or seen in a while but they seem happy so you say to yourself "I guess I want that too."

You download a dating app. You meet great people - online of course - and spark up some great conversations. Some you meet in real life and some you don't. Your conversation with one specific person, in this instance I'm going to call him Chad, is extremely fiery. You and Chad have a great connection and you really want to meet him. He asks you out on a date for Thursday evening. On that same Thursday evening, you know that your group of closest friends invited you to go out to a fun bar with a whole new group of friends.

Now you're stuck and you need to choose.

Some may choose the date. Some not.

You tell Chad that you're busy because you're going out with friends. Chad tells you that he's upset because of this and it starts up an awkward conversation. You think to yourself: "Do I really need this right now? To explain to a stranger why I want to prioritise my friends..."

Even though through this pandemic, you have thought so much about finding a significant other - that you even downloaded a dating app (which is SO not you btw) - you prioritise the group of friends on a night out to meeting someone who could potentially turn into your partner.

So why do you do that?

The simple answer is that there is a prevalent want for being selfish with time.

Even though dating can sometimes be fun (especially if it's a success date), 90% of the time it's a bit of a waste and you'd have way more fun with a friend or just taking some time to yourself too - reading, exercising, going to the beach, cooking etc.

Of course, I do want to add that if there are no other plans, you have a completely empty evening and you have a good feeling about this person then, yallah go on the date - it could either turn into a funny story afterwards or be a great success.

Bottom line -

My friend and I shared a big laugh over the fact that for so long we've been talking about relationships and wanting one for ourselves when in actual fact we're not ready to give up the time we have right now. One day we will all have to prioritise our partners over our friends.

Thanks for reading!

---

Note (to anyone that has recently gotten into a relationship): Show love and affection to your partner. It's important in the beginning stages to build and not neglect but with that being said... it's not an excuse to give up on your friends. One of the most important but challenging parts of being in a relationship is balance - knowing how to balance time for yourself, time for your friends and time for your partner.

They are not mutually exclusive.